After all, tomorrow is another day!
Thursday 1 April 2010
A college application essay
Was going through some old files when I came across this very sweet college application essay by an 17 year old high school boy. Well, that boy is now a grown 26 year old man. And my dear friend, look how much our lives have changed and how different we've grown up to be.
The woman of my life
The first time I paid attention to her was with a crooked intent; I was trying to see through her clothes and peek at what under the flaps of her dress. To me, she was only another interesting schoolgirl, and I was only enjoying some fresh air on my way home. That thought, to a boy whose only responsibility had been study to make his mother happy and play video games when she turned away, was normal. It was that spurt of youthful indecency that led me to know Mai. She has been my inspiration since, yet I found my true self much to the detriment of my ability to love. I can no longer look at another girl without feeling guilty, but I have no regret loving her.
Three years ago, I was to her like a kid would be before his babysitter. She was the most prominent figure of the student body; I joined the host of common male students in criticizing her every actions. It was normal for a male, but arrogant for a female, to stand before and above hundreds of fellow students to receive a national award. I followed her out of envy, watching her every moves, trying to understand the secret to her ability, and fantasizing frantic explanations with the simple impressions I have learned in my wasted youth. I found, instead of an alien in disguise, a girl with a beautiful face who always smiled. I was amazed at what she could write, at how she began a very popular speaking club, at how much she put into her schedule: leadership, friendship, and study. In her words there was a maturity I could not find in any of my friends, much less in myself. At some point not long after that first encounter, I realized that there had been a relationship between her and a part of myself. I stopped to think about my life; I winched and frowned at the thought of my past, but another personality had come to life within me. I also thought for the first time that maybe I loved her unlike I did any other girl. At the end of grade ten, new thoughts flooded my mind as I resolved to change myself. I plunged into the challenge of recovering six years of neglected education in one semester. I stopped studying for a short sleep only when I was exhausted at three o'clock in the morning. Strangely, I saw her in my often restless dreams; and I felt peaceful at her sight.
I came to the States later that year; she went to England soon afterward. We resumed contact nearly a year later. In that one year, I have painstakingly rediscovered social life by making many friends, reading many books and databases about colleges, about financing my foreign study, and about my careers. She and I have taken up part time jobs while trying to keep first class standing in order to retain our scholarships. In hard labor, many childhood dreams that seemed sacred became trivial. In their place, I have adopted as my life's purpose a dream to learn as much as I could of new technology and bring the knowledge and spirit of freedom back to my Vietnam. I have changed so greatly that I wonder if she still has the personality that I used to love. I was nervous when I called her; I would discover in this phone call who she really was, and I was afraid that she was just another selfish and possessive person—that the woman of my life was only an idol that never existed. I asked her, "What is your purpose?" She answered, "The only one; to become the best, to gain respect, so that no one can look down upon our people."
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