Rules girls

Viết cho các cô gái của tôi nhân dịp RG chuyển thành 3S (Sexy, Successful and Single) và đón nhận các chàng trai vào hội.

Con gái hiền dịu thì có được cuộc sống bình yên. Con gái đẹp thì được nhiều người theo đuổi. Con gái giỏi thì vất vả. Con gái cá tính thì làm người ta sợ. Con gái hay mơ mộng thì tự làm khổ mình. Nhưng chẳng có một công thức kì diệu nào để làm nên một người con gái được yêu và hạnh phúc, các bạn nhỉ?

Họ gọi mình là các cô nàng kén chọn “chẳng qua nhiều người theo đuổi mà không chịu ai”. Họ lên án chúng mình là “ham mê sự nghiệp và không chịu lo yên bề gia thất”. Họ nghĩ chúng ta “cá tính quá, đòi hỏi cao quá”. Họ tưởng rằng chúng ta mạnh mẽ và không cần gì.

Có điều là, họ quên mất rằng, người con gái nào đằng sau vẻ mạnh mẽ cũng là một tâm hồn yếu đuối cần được bao bọc che chở. Đằng sau sự tự lập đó chính là một sự cố gắng miệt mài cho cả cuộc sống lẫn hạnh phúc. Đằng sau cái cá tính rất hấp dẫn nhưng nhiều khi đáng sợ đó chính là một tâm hồn nhạy cảm mong manh.

Chúng mình cười và tự gọi mình là “gái già ế cao cấp ở vậy cho chúng nó thèm”. Ừ thì kệ họ nói gì. Chúng mình tự chăm sóc cho bản thân vì phải biết cách yêu bản thân mình và tự cảm thấy hạnh phúc thì mới có thể yêu và hạnh phúc với người khác được. Chúng mình vun đắp cho sự nghiệp và học hành vì hiểu rằng cuộc đời còn dài, và chính ý chí và nghị lực của một người con gái mới giúp vượt qua được những khó khăn nhất trong cuộc sống.

Ai mà chẳng mong muốn một người đàn ông đích thực và một gia đình hạnh phúc. Nhưng chúng mình đủ trải nghiệm để hiểu được rằng có những thứ trong cuộc sống không thể tìm kiếm hay cố gắng. Chúng mình đủ hiểu bản thân để biết là mình không cần thay đổi mình để vừa lòng ai, mà chỉ những người đàn ông hiểu và trân trọng chúng ta mới xứng đáng để cùng mình chia sẻ cuộc sống. Chúng mình đủ tự tin để hiểu rằng mình đáng yêu, và cũng sẽ được yêu.

Chúng mình đã từng khóc cùng nhau, cười cùng nhau, và cũng sẽ chia sẻ những phút giây hạnh phúc cùng nhau…

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you!

I’m in love…

With the hot guy singers at Acoustic. How could they be so good looking and sing so beautifully at the same time?

With Saigon. I love roaming the city late at night when it’s more quiet and somewhat romantic.

With jogging every day. I could feel the fresh air, the wind blowing, the smell of the grass. I usually listen to the Bible on my mp3 while jogging. My goal is to go through the bible this year so at least I would be learning something. Although I wasn’t paying attention to what the reader was saying most of the time, but his voice is so soothing and peaceful. He is truly an angel sent from God.

With my wonderful friends. Sometimes on the phone or online, we don’t have to be constantly talking. But just having them there or just looking at each other through webcam makes me happy.

With reading. Do you have that irreplaceable feeling of curling in bed and savoring a good book line by line? Sense and Sensibility was a gem. I am reading This side of Paradise right now. And I’m so happy to recommend it to a friend who’s reading it at the same time with me.

With the 4 sexy dresses I just bought. Cost me a fortune but the sexy feeling is priceless.

With myself. If I can’t love myself, then who would? By the way, if you haven’t figured it out by now: I am beautiful, sexy, smart, charming, brilliant and wonderful ☺
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I remembered in college, when I declared to my friend that I was in love. She just sighed and said “Aren’t you always in love?” Yes, I am.

Đàn bà xấu không được tặng quà

Uhm, you know you are a very lucky girl. You are so spoiled. Why? When you are sad, there are all these guys around you who are willing to do whatever to comfort you. A guy will burn music for you to listen to. A guy will take you out to different restaurants. Another will take you to the movies to watch chick flicks and watch you laugh. Another will send you beautiful flowers. Another one will bring 2 bottles of wine to drink and get drunk with you. In the middle of the night when you cry, you could always find a guy to call and cry. When you feel down, you could always click on a guy on your friends list to chat for hours. He would always listen to you and try to encourage you.

Not only that, your girlfriends are always there for you. They can bitch talk with you. They can share their experience with you. They can give you a cyber hug. They love you too.

Not everyone is as lucky. Most people do not have as many friends. They do not have the numerous guys surrounding them. Some women have never been loved in their life. Some has never received any flowers. Some can only cry by themselves in their sleep. Some has to keep their misery and sadness to themselves.

So keep your chin up and enjoy your life. Treasure every moment, whether it is happiness or sadness. Remember that, when you keep loving, you’ll be loved back. Do not worry, everything will be all right…

The pursuit of happiness

I think someone must have drugged me yesterday. I had a really shitty day (actually my life right now is a big mess) but in the evening I was so hyper and happy, for no reason! Good mood like this do not come very often so I might as well enjoy it.

Maybe it’s the April’s Fool prank that I was able to pull off the other day. I somehow was able to convince most of my friends on Facebook and Yahoo that I just got engaged. I think it was the profile picture of the diamond ring, me mentioning dieting and working out to prepare for the wedding, planning a wedding in VN and the US that even some skeptics were fooled. I had a blast doing this and would have kept it up until the end of April Fools but suddenly felt bad for some heartbroken guys out there… People kept asking me “Who’s the lucky guy???” Well, the lucky guy does not know that he’s lucky, or else there would have been a real engagement, right? I’ve been thinking, maybe I’ll save up some money to one day buy my own diamond ring. I would be able to get the exact ring I wanted and not have to worry about the guy choosing the wrong ring…

These days what kept me happy are random crazy thoughts I have throughout the day. I’m forever a dreamer and a romantic at heart. I am always feeding my wild imagination with silly ideas, theories and inspiration for my novel some day. I usually lie in bed listening to the song “I’ll stand by you” by The Pretenders over and over again. Usually this is what I wanted to say to the guy I love. But this time, the more I listen, the more I feel like it is singing to me, just like what my friends have been doing for me, being there for me and loving me the whole time. I started thinking about my life this past 10 years and jumped to my computer to call Luan.

We met in high school 10 years ago. I was a skinny girl with thick glasses, a braided hair, in a white ao dai. He was an awkward, nerdy guy who had this crush on me and was sneaking peaks at me. “Luan honey, it’s been 10 years since we’ve known each other. Looking back, at that time, could you ever have imagined us like this, right here? Did you ever think our lives would be this way? Isn’t it funny, that I was your inspiration in high school to help you study harder and become a good student, but throughout the years, it was you who have always been pulling me out of the mud, pushing me to go on living when I felt down and wanted to give up? You were always the first person I called when I wanted to cry. You were there for me through every heartbreak” “I know honey, be strong and keep on fighting. Here’s to another 10 years of trying hard and improving ourselves!”


Life is like a sine curve, with its ups and downs. There will be moments of uttermost happiness but also times of incredible pain, misery and disappointments. But once you have hit rock bottom, there is no other way but to rise up again.

Love is like holy wine. It tastes so bitter and so sweet at the same time. You want to save it forever, but good wines are meant to be drank. If it’s only saved up and put to show, its existence is pointless. You know that once you finish the bottle of wine, you won’t have anymore, but you might as well enjoy the taste while drinking it.

Pleasant surprise!

Today I received a beautiful basket of flowers from an unknown person. I must say this is the biggest and most beautiful thing I have ever received. Even my mom has to exclaim that she has never seen such a beautiful basket of flowers (it looks much prettier in real life than in this picture taken from my camera). I was so surprised and happy, I burst to tears. Whoever you are, thank you so much. You made my day and gave me the much needed encouragement.



Thank you so much... Hugs and kisses...

Sleepless...

I'm going crazy with insomnia. At this rate, I will die of exhaustion.

Today a friend of mine complained of his lack of satisfaction in his current relationship. Seeing my lack of supportive response, he then complained how boring a friend I had become and left. I am sorry, my friend. I cannot help you anymore when you are never happy with what you have. You have the most wonderful and beautiful girlfriend in the world who would do anything for you. Yet, you are always complaining. Love and relationship need to be treasured and takes hard work. Just think how lucky you are to be loved and be in love. While so many others in this world have to struggle with broken hearts and disappointments. Or think of all the unfortunate poor people around.

Yes, I am very honored that you trusted me with all your secrets. You expect me to be there for you just as you always did for me. Whenever you get sad or depressed, you would call me and I could stop whatever I was doing to talk with you for hours. Yet, there was a few times when I had real relationship problems and you just brushed it off and laughed. It hurted me a lot.

I know I might lose our friendship but I have to say this. I can't play the supporting role anymore. You used girls, you played around, you cheated on girls. It is guys like you who break girls heart and make us suffer. I can't believe how s I could listen and encourage you throughout the year; I would always nod and laugh at your stories. I never expressed how much I disagree with what you were doing. I even lied to those girls for you.

But how do you feel when guys treated me like that, my friend? Do you feel bad when I was sad and cried? I don't want you or any other guy to do this to any girl anymore. Can we stop this vicious circle?

Have you ever thought that if you live honestly, love sincerely and be satisfied with what you have, maybe you'll truly be happy?

HOT HOT HOT

Ha ha... I fooled you into reading this boring blog. The weather in SG is just so hot recently, it's unbearable. I feel like taking a shower every five minutes, except that I don't have anyone to take a shower with to save water.


This recession sucks. So many of my friends have been laid of recently. Life isn't stable as we were used to. The good old days are gone. And this is not going to be the only recession in our lives that we'll have to go through. How should be prepare for the next one to become recession proof?


Anyways, to a different topic. I have been talking to a friend recently. We were reminiscing the good old times when we would be partying, playing drinking games, wandering around NYC together one summer. We interns were a real close group of friends. But now everyone is scattered all around the world, we hardly talk anymore. Suddenly we realized we are getting old. Then somehow we talked about love and marriage. Well, since last year, I have known more than 30 couples around my age that got married or are going to tie the knot. Isn't that depressing (for me obviously, not for those happy couples). My friend said he doesn't want adventures as much. I said I still like adventures, but it would be nice to have someone to share them with. We were discussing whether we should feel pressured to settle down. Well, I don't want to live a boring life, but I also want to be happy like "them". The thing is, the world divides into 2 groups of people: couples and singles. Couples only hang out with other couples. So the remaining singles are left to hang out among themselves. Believe me, I have been to many events/parties/dinners where I was the only single person and it sucked. And as more and more people our age gets married, the number of singles left to hang out with decreases. Isn't that sad?


I just found out a friend of mine has been carrying a broken heart for 8 years. All this time and I had no idea. I always assumed she was picky or just too focused on her work and does not want to date yet. It makes me feel sad. There are so many heartbreaks in this world. Some people are lucky to avoid it, most have to go through at least one, a few unfortunate ones have to go through a few heartbreaks (as if enduring one wasn't enough). But this also makes me realize how indifferent I was to friends at times. Sometimes I was too occupied with my own problems, sometimes I knew what they were going through but didn't do anything or say anything to comfort them or help them because I was always afraid of doing or saying the wrong things...


But another friend also pointed out "Phải có đau khổ và nỗi thất vọng thì cuộc đời mới thêm thi vị". It really makes us appreciate the good times and learn to protect our happiness. Giữ gìn hạnh phúc là cả một nghệ thuật.


Let me tell you a little secret: I have always dreamt of becoming a writer. But how do I write without revealing my feelings? Isn’t writing always biographical, expressing what the writer has been through. Even fiction stories have their roots in real experiences. So how do I write the twists and turns of love stories and life adventures without letting people know a part of me has been there? Writers need to have the courage of revealing themselves to the whole world; will I be able to do that?

It's hard to say good bye...

Today was my next to last day in New York. I was really stressed out with all the packing, shipping and selling furniture to vacate my apartment. Then I got this CD as a surprise goodbye gift. I came home, opened it on my computer and saw this presentation with a note saying "Since I didn't get a achance to meet your Mr Right, perhaps one day when you find him, you can share this with him so he can make you happy". It definitely made my day, just knowing that someone out there cares about me in his own way...

Understanding Mai:

• Don’t throw farewell parties for her, otherwise she doesn’t like it
• If you call/email/text her and she doesn’t respond within a day, just be patient
• She likes to laugh (A LOT), make her laugh, and make sure to laugh at her jokes
• Listen to her when she speaks, she has a lot of interesting things to say
• She likes to write, encourage her
• Be prepared to drink (and I don’t mean water!)
• She likes to read, offer to take her to book signing events
• Don’t be intimidated if most of her friends are guys
• When she is sad, offer to take her for some ice cream, ice cream will cheer her up
  
  
• Be prepared to play the "questions game" when hanging out with her
• Don’t order the same food as her, otherwise she doesn’t like it
• She is adventurous and demanding, expect the world from her
• She likes architecture, offer to take her to see unique architecture places
• She might say something mean to you from time to time, don’t take it personal, she might not mean it.
  
  
• Remind her to wear headphones when she walks outside (so that guys won't approach her)
  
  
• She likes to walk rather than drive, suburban life is not for her.

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you!

When your coworker is also your best friend

I once read somewhere that to climb up the corporate ladder, you shouldn’t become close friends with coworkers in case you might have to fire them someday. I thought to myself “Isn’t that sad”. I have only had two significant work experiences but have met my best friends there.

During my summer internship at Goldman Sachs two years ago, I sat right behind another intern Mike, a very smart guy from Georgetown, half Lebanese-half Indian, fluent in French and Arabic. We had the same initials ML. We did everything together. Most days we would go to this food truck on the street to have Chicken and Rice for lunch for $5. He loves Vietnamese food so I once even made spring rolls for our group of interns at his apartment. He would actually confide with me all his love stories. Sometimes when we were talking, I would say “Wait, slow down. I’m getting confused. Which girl are we talking about? The Indian girl, the Chinese girl or the American girl?” Because we sat so close, he would tease me “I wanted to spy on your emails so bad but you’re always typing away in this weird Vietnamese that I can’t understand. Damn!”

After our last day of work for the summer internship, we went out for Vietnamese food, had a drink and bought the lottery, promising each other that if we win, we’d split the prize. Of course we didn’t win. We then sat in Union Square smoking (just for fun, please don’t scold me!) and played this really really stupid and silly game: Looking at the girls walking by and guessing which ones are still virgins! I have no idea how he determines this (by the way they walk, how they dress??!!) but I kind of go for the assumption of “Guilty until proven innocent”. Ha ha… It was a fun summer.

He was the only one I kept in touch with after the summer. Luckily, both of us moved to New York after graduation. Although we don’t work at GS anymore, we still meet regularly. Whenever I had a problem, I would email him “Mike, we need to meet ASAP”. And he would reply “OK, looks like someone has an emergency. How about getting a bowl of Pho tonight? Let me ask my girlfriend for permission to go see my confidant” And whenever we saw each other, I’d ask him about his girlfriend and yelled at him “Oops, you did it again! You’ve got to stop this or else you’ll be punished, he he…” (did it again meaning break up with the girl). Up to now I still can’t remember any of his girlfriends’ names. Oh God I’m going to miss him.

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Right now I have an amazing best friend at work, Sophia. She and I are like sisters. Everyday, the minute I got to the office and logged in, she would IM me “Where do you want to go to lunch today?” We plan our lunch even before we had breakfast. The problem is that she’s so picky so I let her decide everything! I’d just answer “I dunno. It’s up to you. Since when does it matter where I wanted to go?” But I would also add “Gosh, I really spoil you. It’s not so easy to find an easygoing one who’d go with you anywhere you wanted”

I don’t know what I will do without her at work to help me with all the Finance and Accounting stuff. In between our long work day, we’d IM each other random messages or “I’m sleepy. Let’s get coffee” We would share a beer at baseball games and even eat out of each others plate when we eat out. People probably think we’re lesbians. It’s also really scary that some day we’d show up at work wearing shirts of exactly the same color. The creepy thing is we seem to not have enough of each other even after 5 days a week. We’d go watch a movie at weekends together. Since we both share a love for food (it’s unfair she eats more than me but is skinnier), we would try different restaurants in the city. Right now our favorite place is Accademia di Vino on 3^rd Avenue at 63^rd. This place has the best pizza, tuna tartar and salad!

For my birthday she gave me a book called “Why men love bitches” and told me “You should stop being nice to guys”. I probably should have taken her advice. Since we are both foreigners, we both were praying for the H-1B visa. We’d threaten each other “I’ll kill you if you get the visa and I don’t” Maybe God didn’t want anyone of us to be murdered so he gave neither of us the visa. Right now we have the new hobby of sharing wedding pictures or websites of friends with each other and discussing weddings. We’d also threaten each other “I’ll kill you if you get married before me” I hope it’s not going to be the same case with the H-1B visa. Or else both of us will end up a spinster….

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you! He he...

Highlights from last week

Hôm thứ năm vừa rồi tôi đi chơi với một em trai. Hai chị em ra Brooklyn Heights ăn pizza ở Grimaldi’s là quán pizza nổi tiếng của Brooklyn. Cửa hàng pizza rất đông và rẻ và ngon. Sau đó đi ăn kem ở Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory ngay bờ sông nhìn sang Manhattan. Kem ở đây rất tươi ngon và cảnh thì đẹp tuyệt vời. Sau đó đi bộ dọc Brooklyn Bridge và lang thang ở khu downtown. Lúc đi qua Battery Park tình cờ nhìn thấy bắn pháo hoa một lúc lâu. Thằng em được bà chị dẫn dắt vào đời cứ luôn chép miệng “This is a perfect date. You should host a seminar on Romantic Spots in New York” Ha ha… Cuối cùng bọn tôi đi đến Chelsea uống bia và chơi bóng bàn ở Fat Cat. Chỗ này giống một địa điểm vui chơi cho sinh viên, vừa có nhạc jazz vừa có bida, bóng bàn, board games…

Đến 12 giờ đêm, hai chị em ngồi uống hot chocolate ở Starbucks ngay Washington Square Park ở trường NYU. Nhìn xung quanh thấy các bạn sinh viên trẻ đang ngồi chăm chỉ học hành mà thấy thèm quá. Lâu lắm rồi mình không được có cảm giác thức trắng đêm học thi, cảm nhận buổi đêm tĩnh lặng bình yên, sáng sớm thì nhìn thấy mặt trời mọc, bước ra ngòai thư viên thì gặp trúng ông thầy Physics đang trên đường đến lớp. Thầy nhìn mình ngạc nhiên tưởng cô học trò ngoan ngoãn dậy sớm học bài đến lớp, ai dè mình vừa rời thư viện về nhà ngủ và định cúp lớp học Electromagnetism buổi sáng 9 giờ của thầy.

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Tối thứ sáu tôi và Lê Na có một buổi tối rất Việt Nam. Ban đầu là đi xem phim Oh Saigon ở Brooklyn Museum. Ban đầu khi nghe quảng cáo phim, mình rất chảnh nghĩ “I don’t do Brooklyn” và xóa đi. May là bạn Lê Na vùng Queens không chê Brooklyn kéo mình đi. Phim nói về cuộc sống của một gia đình Việt Nam làm sỹ quan Mỹ ngày xưa phải trốn chạy sang Mỹ khá là hay. Sau đó bọn tôi ra quán Hội An ở W Broadway ăn. Hai đứa đói meo cả bụng, gọi mấy phần cơm ăn lia lịa. Ăn xong vẫn chưa thấy thỏa mãn nên phải đánh chén tiếp một chén chè. Anh bồi bàn quen nhìn chúng tôi lắc đầu ngao ngán “Anh cũng không thể ăn nhiều bằng bọn em”. Xấu hổ quá.

Để đỡ guilty vì tình hình tham ăn, 2 cô nàng quyết định đi bộ mấy chục phố về nhà tập thể dục cho tiêu cơm. Vừa ra khỏi nhà hàng thì mưa gió bão bùng, 2 đứa bèn cúp đuôi đi xuống subway về nhà ngủ.

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Ngày chủ nhật là một ngày touristy. Hai anh bạn upstate xuống chơi, thế là tôi thành tour guide bất đắc dĩ. Lại tiếp tục đi ăn ở Chinatown, đi ra xem tượng thần tự do, đi bộ ở downtown, ra South Street Seaport, đi xem bảo tàng Bodies Exhibit, xem tượng người sáp Madame Toussauds, đi dạo ở Central Park. Thôi thì lần đầu mình đến New York cũng thế, bây giờ sắp về thì lại tận hưởng New York như khách du lịch vậy.

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I am so excited Karol is visiting me soon. I haven’t seen him in 2 whole years! I have learned that you can’t make everyone like you, and no matter how many people like you, there will be as many who hate you. So I’m just really lucky to have the *absofuckinglutely* best friends ever!

Conversation between Karol and Mai:

M: You know, A and B just got engaged.

K: Whatttt??? I'm feeling old now.

M: Yup, you have to grow up Karol. And they've got a nice diamond ring.

K: How much is the ring? I would never spend a dime on a ring. Who needs a ring? Think of all the poor children in Vietnam and Bolivia.

M: That's why no girl would want to marry you. Unless she's like me. Ha ha ha...

K: and I'm getting fatter than ever.

M: Look, you're not willing to spend money on a ring, so your only chance of getting anyone to marry you is with good looks. Gotta go to the gym to work on that.

K: You're always wise Mai. Ha ha...

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you!

Good wine for a rainy day

Yesterday a friend came over and we had 2 bottles of wine, one white, one red. The first one is a sweet smooth wine. It is like a sleek guy who gets his way through life easily and everyone loves. The second one is nice and interesting but ordinary. It is your average kind of guy, you have good conversation with him but then forget quickly.

So I got really tipsy and felt like “all my troubles seemed so far away” and everything makes perfect sense. I went to bed and slept really well. I dreamt of being home and going shopping and eating out with my mommy and sister. Everything was so peaceful and safe. I am fucking tired of being by myself away from home for the past 7 years. Suddenly, I really want to go home so badly. I just want to get my H1B rejection ASAP.

And then I woke up this morning, and there’s the same shit to deal with again. I thought “Damn, if only the effect of the wine could last longer”. The only good thing about dealing with your own problems is knowing that everyone else has problems too. Poor people have problems. Rich people have problems. Ugly people have problems. Beautiful people have problems. And people somewhere in between like me have problems. We all just have to deal with it (the adult way) or ignore it (Nghe chửi thì trơ mặt ra) or laugh it off (making mistakes is part of being young and stupid anyway). And when your problem is not finding food to eat to survive or that you didn’t kill anyone (which I almost did a few times), then it’s probably not the end of the world.

But my day started out pretty badly. I missed a train, and then the next train I got on broke down. We had to wait in the station a long time, by the time I get out, I couldn’t get a taxi because everyone was trying to get one. I ended up taking a bus and walking half way. I got to the office more than an hour late. It's also a hell of a busy day at work. I didn't get to eat lunch until 3:30 PM. By then I really wanted to punch something (Yup, I have to try to control my temper).

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Dạo này phải đi ăn chơi triệt để vì chẳng còn mấy ngày nữa ở New York. Đi chơi nhiều thì thấy yêu New York vô cùng nhưng cũng thấy it’s time to go. Về Việt Nam sướng hơn nhiều. Hi hi… Chưa gì Mai Mèo đã có bao nhiêu kế hoạch ở Việt Nam rồi, nào là chơi tennis, chơi golf, đi tập Aikido, vẽ, v.v… Chết, mà hình như chẳng thấy có kế hoạch nào là tìm việc hay đi làm nhỉ, hic hic…

Thế là đi du học đã được 7 năm rồi. Tính ra thời gian ở nước ngòai cũng bằng thời gian ở Việt Nam: 4.5 năm Thailand, 2 năm UK, 5 năm US vs. 6 năm Hà Nội và 6 năm Sài Gòn. Càng đi xa càng thấy mình cần về với gia đình. Mình ra đi từ năm 16 tuổi, bây giờ đã 23. Lúc nào cũng một mình tự bươn chải, luôn phải (giả vờ) mạnh mẽ. Suốt ngày chuyển nhà, suốt ngày lo lắng. Nhiều lúc thấy mệt mỏi quá. Chỉ muốn về nhà ngủ một giấc ngon lành không phải lo lắng gì cả.

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Đọc blog chị Minh thấy Coldplay sắp biểu diễn ở New York, excited quá. Post lên cho mọi người enjoy:

One of my favorites:

I love the movie Wicker Park:

every step that you take ...could be your biggest mistake ...it could bend or it could break...but that's the risk that you take...?

Oooooh, that's right...let's take a breath try to hold it inside...how can you know it if you don't even try?

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you!

Life is good

I have been getting feedback that my blog is too depressing as if it’s the end of the world. I need to clarify this. I am not dying of any disease or cancer. I am not crying of any heartbreak. I am not succumbing to any stress or mid life crisis. Actually my life has been really good so far (it got a lot better after my lasik eye surgery 3 years ago, before which I couldn’t see anything without thick glasses). I just tend to go from one extreme to another. That’s why I started to write a blog so that a few years later, when I’m happily married to a great guy, have a great job, I can look back at this and think “Gosh, why did I sound so desperate!” Ha ha…

OK, so the only not so good news these days is the status of my H-1B visa. I haven’t heard of any news and at this point it is quite unlikely I will get it. Maybe God didn’t believe my promises, or maybe he was on vacation, who knows. I am sure God will have a better plan for me, but I can’t help feeling sad, thinking of the beautiful city and the wonderful friends I am leaving behind.

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Last night, after hearing the “death sentence” from the HR people at my company, I felt so sad. As always, when I am sad, I would call Luan to whine and hear him say “It’s Okay honey, we’ll find a way”. It always makes me feel better.

So I was walking around feeling a bit down when a friend called. Hearing of my situation, he suggested “Wanna get a cup of coffee?” “Sure”.

So we met up in Greenwich Village. I haven’t been there at night in a while and the vibe of the neighborhood is just so charming. We were walking around a bit and my friend told me “This is Greenwich Village, you shouldn’t walk so fast. Slow down and look at the flowers, the houses and everything around you. Isn’t it beautiful?” This was surprising coming from an IT guy. We sat at this cute coffee place in a small quiet street lined with trees and had a really good time. This is definitely what I will miss most about New York, being able to meet for coffee anytime of the night, sitting outside in the beautiful weather, having good conversation with friends. As we stood up, ready to leave, I just realized that I am the only girl in this coffee shop, he’s the only straight guy and the rest are gay men! What do I expect, being near Christopher Street.

So last night I just went to bed, trying to deal with my problems tomorrow like Scarlet in “Gone with the winds”. After all, tomorrow is another day!

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you!

OK, so what should I do about my visa situation?

Accept a marriage proposal to stay (a guy even offered to "adopt" me)

4

Try my best to stay (grad school, apply for jobs at NGOs, Universities)

6

Apply for jobs elsewhere (London, Sydney, Singapore)

9

Go home, be a spoiled princess, and finally pursue my dream of helping the poor

3

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Thứ hai là ngày đầu tuần, bé hứa cố gắng chăm ngoan...

Tối hôm qua tôi đi sinh nhật anh Hà và anh Nguyên. Lâu lắm rồi hội Sài Gòn (dân LHP và Năng Khiếu) ở New York mới tụ tập nhau đông đủ thế này. Có anh Hà, anh Nguyên, anh Hoàng Anh, anh Phong, anh Duy và chị Minh. Thật sung sướng vì chẳng mấy khi mình được là người bé nhất ở đây. Hi hi hi…

Buổi sinh nhật thật vui, tuy là hội SG nhưng gần hết là gốc Bắc. Thế mà còn ngồi than là dân Hà Nội dữ quá, ra ngoài đó đi mua bán mà sợ bị mắng chửi gần chết. Hic hic… Nghĩ lại thì lần cuối cùng có mặt đông đủ thế này là hôm ăn tối với nhau sau khi Quỳnh Hương mất. Mặc dù không ai nói ra nhưng tất cả chúng tôi đều đang nhớ đến Hương và buồn vô cùng khi vắng mất một người bạn.

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To my friend Quynh Huong:

It’s been 3 months since you passed away. Up to now I still couldn’t get over it to accept that you are gone forever. I would give anything for you to live. I want to see you smile again. You were so young, so talented, so beautiful, so kind, and so brave. Your life is short lived, but you have touched more people than many could do in their life time. I am so sorry for not being able to do more for you. I was so scared, I didn’t know what to say or do. I am sorry I didn’t know how to give a good massage. I could never forgive myself for not visiting you more often. I still remember the last time I saw you, when I walked out of your hospital room, you even raised your hand to wave to me. I didn’t know it was your final good bye. Until now, I still crave that warm feeling of visiting you at NY Presbyterian hospital. I remember the beautiful view of the East River from your room that you were never able to enjoy. Your friends, your parents, your boyfriend, were all there besides you everyday. We laughed, we ate, we talked and we bonded like a family. We all tried to be happy because we were afraid “you’ll kick us out of your room if one of us cried” but it was so painful to see you get weaker day by day. The last time I hugged you, you were so skinny. I could never forget that Thanksgiving we had lunch in your room. I knew you were tired but happy to have so many friends visit. And we planned to have Christmas together before you come back to the hospital for another round of chemo. But you had to be rushed to the hospital before celebrating Christmas. You know, being this cold person who’s not able to express emotions, I cried and cried so much one day after visiting you. I am still in tears writing this at my office.

You know, your passing away have made me think a lot about my life and how I should live. I realized that life is so fragile, so short. I went to every single doctor I could think of to get checkups (general doctor, skin doctor, OB-GYN, dentist). I tried to live everyday as if it is my last day. I want to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend. I wanted to be able to say “I love you” to the ones I love. I wanted to be able to do all the things I dreamt of. And I wish I could help you do all the things you weren’t able to do. I miss you so much, my friend.

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These days I have been writing a lot. I am writing because there's so many things going on in my mind, I feel like exploding. The last time I ever wrote in a diary was 10^th grade but stopped when my sister found the diary and read it to my entire family.

I have been walking around a lot these days. I walk to different streets in the city, taking different routes everytime. I am trying to see the city in different ways like I’ve never seen it. One day my blog might not be called “Single girl in the city” anymore, not because I’m not single anymore, but because I’m not going to be here anymore. Last night I called my mom at 2 AM and cried for half an hour.

The also funny thing is, this past week, when I am so depressed, looking so grumpy and dressed so shitty walking around, I was asked to go out by 3 different guys. Isn’t it ironic? Maybe I should keep this depressed mood longer, ha ha…

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OK, I promise to stop this depressing mood soon or else my blog would not be “for entertainment purposes only” but “for suicide watch” ha ha…

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you!

Tản mạn chiều thứ bảy

Sáng sớm thức dậy không có việc gì làm, tôi đi bộ 40 phố từ nhà đến cơ quan. Khu tôi ở thật đẹp, trên đường đi tha hồ nhìn ngắm các cửa hàng, nhìn các cặp vợ chồng trẻ kéo xe đẩy đưa con đi chơi. Thầm mong ước sau này mình cũng sẽ có một gia đình hạnh phúc, một người chồng tốt (học giỏi, con nhà nghèo vượt khó và xấu trai) và 2 đứa bé thật xinh (hi vọng là sinh đôi).

Đến cơ quan định ngồi học bài thì tình cờ lên mạng gặp cô bạn thân cấp 3. Thế là hai đứa lại ngồi chat chit tâm sự với nhau. Cùng là hai đứa con gái khá xinh đẹp giỏi giang nhưng lại cùng một nỗi khổ giống nhau là 2 người yêu cũ đều đã đi lấy vợ còn bọn tôi thì vẫn "single with no potential". Than vãn một hồi thì đành an ủi nhau, "Bọn ex của mình toàn lấy vợ xấu và kém hơn mình, thể nào bọn nó cũng đang ở với vợ mà nhớ đến mình mà tiếc rẻ mà thôi. " Wishful thinking!

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Buổi chiều nay tôi đi dạy lớp học tiếng Việt cho trẻ em. Trường Việt Ngữ ở New York mượn được phòng học ở một trung tâm văn hoá ở Chinatown. Thứ bảy hàng tuần tôi đến lớp phụ giảng. Lâu lắm mới có dịp chơi với trẻ em. Nhìn bọn nó mà thấy thèm. Ước gì mình được quay lại ngày ấy. Không phải đối mặt với bao âu lo, mệt mỏi của cuộc sống, luôn có bố mẹ chăm sóc, không phải cô đơn tự bươn chải. Giờ nghỉ giải lao nhìn thấy một cô bé bé xíu mà rất đanh đá đang chỉ huy một lũ con trai. Giật mình tưởng như đang nhìn thấy mình 15 năm trước.

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Dạo này tôi suy nghĩ rất nhiều về hạnh phúc. Hạnh phúc là gì nhỉ? Dạo gần đây tôi nghĩ rất nhiều về tình yêu. Tôi thầm ghen tị với những cô gái xinh đẹp có những anh chàng bạn trai tốt bụng chiều chuộng họ. Tôi ước gì mình cũng có thể hiền dịu, dễ thương và đáng yêu như họ. Yêu con gái xinh và hiền thì dễ, đâu có mấy con trai nào dám yêu nhứng đứa con gái như tôi. Mà cuộc sống cũng rất lạ. Khi mình chẳng quan tâm, chẳng đoái hoài gì thì các chàng trai lại đổ lia lịa (nhưng toàn là các "Mr. Wrong for me"). Khi mình thích một ai đó thì hoặc là người đó thì người ta lại không thích mình.

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you!

A happy day

Today I am in a (rare) good mood. It’s a very special day indeed. However, this is probably going to be my least coherent blog so far.

I woke up from a very beautiful dream. Although it was just a dream, it made me happy for at least half of the morning.

This day 33 years ago, Vietnam won the American war. This day 9 years ago, a high school friend of mind said he liked me. To this day, he’s still one of my best friends who really cares about me and has always there for me.

Talking about guys, today I also talked to a college friend who I haven’t talked to for over a year. He was my best friend in college. We met on the very first day of Orientation at Brandeis. Although our friendship has gone through ups and downs, we have always been together, shared our deepest (dirty) secrets and feelings. He is one of the few people who understands me and accepts me for who I am. We shared many long nights studying (and sleeping on the couch) in Shapiro Student Center. He had seen me cry, he had seen me fall in love, he had seen me heartbroken. We have had really bad fights when we didn’t talk for months and then one day one of us would burst out “Damn, I miss you”. And the other one would say “I miss you too. Can we talk again?”

And so one day he got a girlfriend. And his girlfriend doesn't like me much. And so for one whole year I didn’t see him or talk to him. It was a really lonely year. I had other friends, I had fun, I had a good life. But no one could replace him. Yes, he’s not perfect. There are things about him that just drives me crazy. But he’s the only one who I can be completely honest with. I hate him for choosing his girlfriend over our friendship (of course, who wouldn’t) but it also hurts me to see him get hurt and having to go through life by himself (without me scolding him every step of the way).

And so today, suddenly he IMed me. And we started talking. And I said “We used to be bestfriends, and then we became strangers after you got a girlfriend. So now you’re single. Can we be friends again?” And he said “You bet. I miss you so much.” “I miss you too”. There was so much I wanted to tell him. Things I’ve kept to myself not being able to share with anyone. And guess what he said after listening to me? “I heard you whine about these issues 3 years ago. I can’t believe I am listening to the same shit again. That’s why I love you.” Ha ha ha…

I am so glad to have you back in my life. I know we will continue to fight and maybe not talk again. But I know we will always be bestfriends and thank you for being there for me!

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you!