What is love?

I choose this picture because a couple of months ago, I went to an outdoor concert and saw a couple sitting with their back to each other, leaning on each other, each reading their own book. But somehow it is one of the most peaceful and beautiful image of a couple I’ve ever seen. Just to show that contrary to popular belief, love does not have to mean looking in the same direction.

I actually wrote this some time ago but it just disappeared from my computer mysteriously so I have to re-write it all over again. I don’t remember what I wrote last time so this is a completely new version.

I am sorry for writing about the old boring topic of “love” again. Let’s just consider it a series of blog posts about “love”. Have you ever tried to answer the question “What is love?” I don't know if I am qualified to answer this question. I'm not married; and maybe not mature or experienced enough to understand everything. But I do know that my idea of love has changed throughout the years.

I used to think love is finding the right person to be with. But now I realize that to be ready for love, you have to be the right person first. You have to be a confident, independent and responsible person, love yourself, and mature enough and be the best person you can be to enter a relationship with someone. There is no right person or perfect match. Love is learning to accept the other person for who they are, loving both their good and bad qualities.

I used to think love is finding someone who can make you happy. But now I realize that no one can make you happy. You cannot rely on someone for your happiness because that person will one day disappoint you or succumb to the pressure and expectations. What you can hope for is someone to share your happiness with.

I used to think love means not being able to live without someone, and that your life is incomplete without that person. That’s not true. Of course we CAN live without them, and we still have to find meaning in life without them. But love means choosing to spend your life with someone because you want to.

I used to think love is that person doing whatever it takes to be with you or doing everything for you. But now I know that love is about giving, not receiving. It is about what you can do for the other person and bring to the relationship without any expectations of getting anything back. It is about putting the needs of someone else's first. I have learned to care about someone even when that person does not care.

I used to think that love is that passionate feeling of being head over heals (cannot eat, cannot sleep) and that when two people fall out of love, they simply part ways. But now I realize true love is constant hard work on improving the relationship every day. The passion will one day die, there will be good and bad times. But to make it through, love requires commitment, tolerance, patience, responsibility, and forgiveness.

There is still a lot I need to learn. To learn to love and to work on myself to become a better person. If love is a game with a winner and a loser like they say, then I would rather be the loser than let another person get hurt. Because I have hurt others in the past and have been hurt before, so I know what it is like.

The hardest love of all is the unconditional love where you truly want the person to be happy even if it means not being with you. It takes courage and strength to let go and accept. It is painful. Looking back, I realize how lucky I am because despite my selfishness and childishness and many terrible qualities, I have and I am still loved unconditionally by many. I pray that all those who loved me will soon find someone more deserving who can bring them true happiness that I cannot deliver. Recently some of my friends have found love and I am really happy for them. I also wish that my remaining heartbroken friends would one day find true love again.

Disclaimer: My blog is for entertainment purposes only, please do not take it seriously or personally. Thank you!